I've spent the majority of my life helping other people; helping them get through their issues, wallowing when they break up with their boyfriends, getting completely plastered when they break up with a girlfriend they cared about, spending time with pregnant sisters because they've driven their husbands completely crazy to the point that they no longer want their wife pregnant. But recently, I've realized that it's been years since I've sat down and focused in on myself and what has happened in my life.

I've broken up with boyfriends. Hell, I've broken up with a boyfriend that I loved (love) and it completely crushed me to no end. (Honestly to the point that I'm still kinda with him but there's no strings, both of us still deeply cared about each other but live in different towns, so the no strings or at least no titles is a lot easier than anything else we've tried.) I never wallowed the end of a relationship, I didn't wallow when my first boyfriend ended up getting his girlfriend pregnant and he approached me about helping her out (I was completely appalled that he even considered that I'd help him out with this situation that he got himself into, I don't care if he's eighteen) with everything. Even when my first boyfriend and I broke up (for him to attempt to purse my little sister without my knowledge) I didn't wallow, and that relationship had lasted almost eight months.

It's confusing for me to be entering university (granted my second year of college, but community college for the first year none the less) and yet out of the two (kinda three) relationships that I've had, I've never wallowed, not in the traditional way at least. I've spend the majority of my life throwing myself into others problems to fix it. I've spent countless hours on the cell phone with crying girls, probably even more hours spent watching girly movies with said girls, many hours with guys sitting on the couch talking about school while ignoring that he just broke up with a girl that he really did care about, or in some cases broke up with a girl that he honestly DIDN'T care about, but pretend to for months, just getting drunk and pretending that everything is okay for one night before it all came crashing down.

There has been more hours spent at weddings (alone) and funerals then I care to recount just because people want me to be there for them to see their special moments or to be there to cry on and just for support. Up until about three years ago I had spent the majority of my life just helping others rather than enjoying my life and experiencing everything the world has to offer for a teenager.

This is simply for me to wish that I hadn't missed out on so much of my childhood and junior high and high school life. There's so much that I could have experienced, but didn't because I was so busy helping others and not just having fun.